cheapshitcondos.com

Second and Pine St.

Another resplendent condo project gone belly up. From a parking lot to a mega-hole, and back to a parking lot (soon). Will there be another hole?

Wouldn’t it be great if instead of reverting to a parking lot, we had a below grade zen garden or fabulous sculptures a la Olympic Sculpture Park?

So, the luxuriously snoozy condo project isn’t happening. Okay Seattle, now is the time to be interesting, world class interesting. What do we really want downtown?

Seems we’re not that interested in another pseudo-lux, shiny but common building.

In the interim, since reality TV is all the rage, we suggest the show, What Can You Get Down That Ramp?!!, and it’s sister show, What Can You Get Up That Ramp?!!

500 Elliott Avenue

Developer: Equity Residential^® Condominiums

Architect: witness protection program

Welcome to the Seattle accordion condos, the Residences at 500 Elliott.

This unmusical building lets out an ugly tone when you squeeze it, something like an emission and a cat screeching at the same time.

This might also be the largest “oops paint” building we’ve come across. May we suggest avoiding turquoise and salmon.

The name “Residences at 500 Elliot” strikes us as a bit misguided. We prefer “The Folds at 500 Elliot.”

Buyers: Retro gamers and your kids might like it. The street and building closely resemble the game Frogger.

Don’t get squished!

115 Aurora Ave N

Developer: Norcon/Sierra

Architect: gulag

You have now entered the Grey Zone.

Nouveau Cold War style. A block of severe housing for the people.

Don’t fret comrade, although the prices are not for mere proletariats. . .

There are some 345 sq ft. cheap seats at only $150,000.

View the grandeur of the citizenry on their dutiful way to work along the modern marvel of Highway 99. Check out the Ordinary Diet Cafeteria at the comrade quikee mart on the corner and throw back some vodka on your way to the Seattle Cleansing Department.

Na zdorovje!

P.S. Spot the only thing that’s not grey in this picture.

6960 California Ave SW

Developer: Gamel/Mastro

Architect: in hiding

It’s like the flagstone stairs and the orange awnings are leading somewhere else.

Maybe the building is in the witness protection program and not really two abysmally beige condo boxes.

We suspect under the sober facade is a fun land of fountains, gambling and speakeasies.

On the record, these luxurious flagstone stairs lead to a fine (somber) example of West Seattle’s “luxury condos” with units around $239,000.  OMG!?

6547 42nd Ave SW

Developer: Urban Seattle LLC

Architect: West Ventures LLC

Street View

Alley View

bland (blænd) – adjective, -er, -est.

1. lacking in special interest, liveliness, individuality, etc.; insipid; dull.

va·nil·la (və-nĭl’ə) – adjective

1. lacking adornments or special features; basic or ordinary.

vex (věks) tr.v. vex·ing

1. To annoy, as with petty importunities; bother.

2. To cause perplexity in; puzzle.

3. To bring distress or suffering to; plague or afflict.

bum·mer (bŭm’ər) -adjective slang

1. Of poor, wretched, or miserable quality; worthless.

2. Disappointing; unpleasant.

We visited West Seattle. Good thing we had our pocket dictionary with us to get past our loss for words. Even the 1950s house next door looks stunned. Well, it is a lot of down-tempo green.