cheapshitcondos.com

4751 12th Avenue Northeast

Developer: Harbor Properties

Architect: Baylis Architects

Now that we are waiting for the cheapshit condo market to rebound, we have scrap ex-condo parts to make apartments.

Sadly, they look just like condos. Here we have a mixed up box of reject crayon colors.

Same flashy name, same flashy exteriors. There’s even a suicide jumper catcher at the bottom corner. It probably brought their insurance down. A penny saved is a penny earned in these times.

Was this made by the ADHD architect firm?

Yet again the trees are going to have to do all the work in beautifying/obfuscating the building.

1920 Fourth Avenue

Developer: Lexas Companies

Architect: Thoryk Architecture

Something-is-changing-at Escala-dot-com…could it be the ownership?

So when the bank owns your condo tower, do you get free checking? Just sayin’.

Do they have a basket of lollipops at the door and somebody waiting to ask us about our weekend?

I’m sure the views looking out are fantastic, but the views looking at, not so much. The glass tower plopped onto the faux Grecian Vegas facade is not the sort of enduring architecture dreams are made of. Design really can be better. Proof.

1315 1st Avenue

The menage à trois with the pressing condos is coming to an end.

Is it too much to ask that this building not be torn down?

We realize this is some seriously valuable air above waiting to be lego-ed in with a skinny condo or pop out neighbor expansion. Still, we vote for a slice of light and some historic personality. How about it Seattle? Don’t kill the little building, she holds many fond mammaries and great tails.

Sure, the developers want to fill that slot with a steel rod building. Not to put a kink in those plans, but we want to feel respected.

Come on DPD, stand firm, don’t let us down.

Bone Voyage!

337 Northeast 103rd Street
Developer: Stellar Holdings and Lorig Associates
Architect: Mithun

Is there a word for failing before you begin?

If that’s your investment strategy, buy here first.

‘Cause you will be the first.

We can’t image why there haven’t been flocks of takers with all that extra-terrestrial IUD yard art.

Maybe it’s time to rebrand the project.

May we suggest:

Tangerine Towers, Mall View Condos or Muted Heights.

210 Wall Street

Developer: Carpenter’s Tower LLC

Architect: in hiding

Local papers report:

Developer Surprised That Rock Bottom, Cheap-Assed Construction Doesn’t Last.

That’s right, so badly constructed, it’ll be torn down this year.

This tower of low standards and quick money was constructed in 2001 and is soon to be demolished. We at CSC hate to see people tossed out in the streets because their building is coming apart and hope everyone gets loads of compensation, free-packing services, kegs for moving day and a year’s worth of massage.

Cheapshitcondos is taking bets on the next building(s) to follow.

(A note to the builders: Waterproof grout is essential in Seattle.)