cheapshitcondos.com

4020 Aurora Ave. N

Developer: Kauri Investments
Architect: Warren Pollock & Associate

From their website…

“The Cobrizo @ Lake Union, combines affordability with spectacular views of Lake Union. The buildings trendy industrial exterior flows into the interior where interesting colors, angles and transitions between rooms emulate an active urban lifestyle.”

WTF are they talking about?!?

By “emulate an active urban lifestyle” they must mean living directly on one of Seattle’s biggest highways, Aurora.

Do not actively run across the highway in front, you will die.

We hope they plan to “transition” some of those “interesting” copper colored “angles” out of existence.

We are left to wonder about the “trendy industrial exterior.” Are enormous faux snake skin panels the new brick?

Finally, we read “affordability” as we really can’t sell these for very much.

And a special note for the bank: After foreclosure, these condos might “transition” most easily into the neighborhood as a sex club called “Ride the Wave”.

2101 N 55th St.

Ahoy matey, it’s the S.S. Tangletown! She’s been beached.

Now marooned in Greenlake and listing terribly.

We love the open air reception desk out front. Is that the sales center?

Anyone for a game of shuffleboard on the deck?

P.S. We’re sorry that the neighborhood has become a food desert now that the developers tore down the supermarket… and have yet to replace it. I hope there’s fish in the lake. Those geese are looking kind of fat too.

1026 NE 65th St.

This mishmash condo comes with a smokestack.

Who knows what they’re incinerating in there.

Oh, the smell, that’s why the windows are so small.

Now that’s urban planning for you.

This building is such a unique neighborhood landmark, you can say, “Meet me in front of the baby blue, copper, salmon, beige, sandstone building for lunch.”

802 Seneca St.

In these days of Seattle condo market freefall, we don’t build new condos. We almost tear down old buildings that were perfectly livable and leave them undemolished while making web sites about the fancy condo towers that we might build. This near pile of rubble one year later is the site of the “Seneca Towers“

The developer Levin Menzies, living in California, seems to have lost interest in this project.

This is also what happens when you let developers run your city.

413 NE 70th St.

The big condo cake pan plops out another one, this time on top of a bank.
How fitting.

Although, the bank might feel like it’s a monkey on their back these days.

Conversely, the condo peeps will know every time they come home if their bank has gone out of business or not.

One thing though, they do have a nice helipad for helicopters that weigh under 10 lbs.

600 North 85th St.

Condos inspired by FEMA. The upshot is they won’t last.

In the meantime, pray that these trees grow as fast as possible.

Um, what’s with the flying nun suite in the corner?

“This condo is unholy.”

424 North 85th Street

Clearly, Bozo the design clown got this contract.

We’ve read this was a conversion rather than new construction.

It appears to be a self-storage building converted to a cheerfully striped mega-shed.

Just so you know, we don’t just toss the word “mega” around.

This wee house surrounded by no parking signs is the immediate neighbor.

Howdy, neighbor!!!

1224 Boren Ave.

This is a beautiful building on First Hill and definitely deserving preservation.

We at CSC weep to see it unfinished and in foreclosure, empty and no good to anyone when so many people who lived there must have been happy before being evicted for a condo conversion.

In the spirit of gambling we suggest a house sitting lottery. Maybe a bake off, pie eating contest or bingo tournament to allow people to live in and care for this lovely building. Who needs another empty condo. We are sure that buildings miss their tenants.

Maybe the nice gentleman Kevin will be so kind as to arrange such a competition

Cheers and best of luck! (We already know what we’re going to bake.)

2607 Western Ave

…Another medley building.

Burnt sienna? Mocha? Navajo beige? Stone that floats?Ahhh! I can’t decide… All of them, give me ALL of them!

Clearly this building is suffering from disease known as Mangoltberg’s Syndrome or Hesitantly Indecisive Disorder (H.I.D.) Scientists have been unable to agree whether this is a disabling or incapacitating manifestation or a disease. While contagion among humans has been reported, HID is most manifest in new condominium and townhouse construction.

Take the questionnaire to see if you are suffering from H.I.D.

6801 Greenwood Ave. N.

The multi-color craze spreads to Phinney Ridge. When you can’t decide on your favorite color, just use them all.

Daffodil, sage, daffodil, sage, “brick,” . . . repeat.

This mixed-up behemoth looms over Greenwood Ave. like a windblown spore from Belltown.

OMG, it’s a pandemic!!