cheapshitcondos.com

Brix condominiums – 530 Broadway E

Developer: Schnitzer West / Architect: Mithun

Gallery condominiums – 2911 2nd Ave

Developer: Schnitzer West / Architect: Mithun

Twenty-Five on the Park condominiums, (unfinished) – 1800 11th Ave

Developer: The Dwelling Company / Arctitect : hiding

Auction Madness!! Bargain Insanity!! All Out Bidding War!!

So what went wrong here, developers? From super slick, pseudo-neighborhood ads to minimum wage, plastic auction arrows?

Boring? Overpriced? Speculation? Gambling addiction? Chicken bingo? Pull-tabs? Booze? What . . . ?

Still . . . we humbly admit to finding the exterior of these condos barely better than some of the high-larious atrocities the city is stuck with, i.e Veduta, Montage . . .

But, maybe it’s not the economy. Maybe we’re just not that into you.

752 Bellevue Ave E

Developer: Urban Seattle LLC

Architect: Urban Seattle LLC

It’s just amazing what you cannot do with paint and corrugated metal.

You cannot turn a 1950’s motel lowrise into “live urban.”

You cannot obscure the fact that what it really needs is a little swimming pool, an ice dispenser, a Coke machine and a sign promising free HBO.

It’s just amazing what you cannot buy for $299,950.

Pine and Belmont St.

Developer: Murray Franklin

How’s that Pike/Pine lifestyle working out for all of you?

By now, many of you know how this story goes.

Once there was a great historic block of bars, small shops and no Cingular, Subway sandwiches, Starbucks, suburban sprawl ugliness etc…

All was torn down to make way for condos for people to enjoy what was demolished. (Sigh.)

Now two years on and counting… (The developer must be waiting for the cheapshit condo market to rebound.)

We at CSC request that the city government climb out of the developers’ pockets to show some love to the neighborhood by requiring the developer to turn this space into an area for terrific public use.

We suggest that the developer provide an area where bands and free BBQ could be enjoyed on weekends. During the months of inclement weather a geodesic dome could provide shelter.

In addition, a portion of the area should be a p-patch garden.

The mayor’s number is: (206) 684-4000. His name is Greg and he’s waiting to hear from you.

1700 E. Madison St.
Developer: Ed Linardic
Architect: n/a

Occasionally we come across a building that is a rental, but is so ugly and poorly designed that we have to include it here.

Although, we suspect that it was intended to be a condominium, it’s not any more reasonable as a rental as some of these apartments rent for over $2000 a month. ‘cough, cough’

We guess that the developer was inspired to dumpster dive through the Trader Joe’s garbage next door and ferret away empty boxes and egg containers to use as building materials.

That is the only apparent explanation for the look of the exterior of this building.

According to some reviews of the building, the inside has fared no better.

3333 Wallingford Ave.

Developer: Pelar LLC

Architect: Curtis Beattie and Associates

We looked up what a Tavona is, or does, and found nothing. And no, it’s not Italian for The cutting edge of urban living.

We guess it just sounded like the right quasi European luxury condo name to give this project after running it through Condonamer 2.0.

We feel that to make this condo really stand out everyone who lives here should change their name to Tavona. It has a nice beige gender neutral sound that doesn’t offend anybody. Pets too.

Those garden nursery columns are really holding up the whole thing nicely.

It’s a good thing they are protected by a modern security feature of concrete barriers in front to prevent a disaster by keeping errant traffic from taking them out.

Also, if your friends live on the second floor above the columns you can knock on their floor if you don’t feel like using the buzzer.

John…, I mean Tavona, are you home?

4020 Aurora Ave. N

Developer: Kauri Investments
Architect: Warren Pollock & Associate

From their website…

“The Cobrizo @ Lake Union, combines affordability with spectacular views of Lake Union. The buildings trendy industrial exterior flows into the interior where interesting colors, angles and transitions between rooms emulate an active urban lifestyle.”

WTF are they talking about?!?

By “emulate an active urban lifestyle” they must mean living directly on one of Seattle’s biggest highways, Aurora.

Do not actively run across the highway in front, you will die.

We hope they plan to “transition” some of those “interesting” copper colored “angles” out of existence.

We are left to wonder about the “trendy industrial exterior.” Are enormous faux snake skin panels the new brick?

Finally, we read “affordability” as we really can’t sell these for very much.

And a special note for the bank: After foreclosure, these condos might “transition” most easily into the neighborhood as a sex club called “Ride the Wave”.

2101 N 55th St.

Ahoy matey, it’s the S.S. Tangletown! She’s been beached.

Now marooned in Greenlake and listing terribly.

We love the open air reception desk out front. Is that the sales center?

Anyone for a game of shuffleboard on the deck?

P.S. We’re sorry that the neighborhood has become a food desert now that the developers tore down the supermarket… and have yet to replace it. I hope there’s fish in the lake. Those geese are looking kind of fat too.

1026 NE 65th St.

This mishmash condo comes with a smokestack.

Who knows what they’re incinerating in there.

Oh, the smell, that’s why the windows are so small.

Now that’s urban planning for you.

This building is such a unique neighborhood landmark, you can say, “Meet me in front of the baby blue, copper, salmon, beige, sandstone building for lunch.”

802 Seneca St.

In these days of Seattle condo market freefall, we don’t build new condos. We almost tear down old buildings that were perfectly livable and leave them undemolished while making web sites about the fancy condo towers that we might build. This near pile of rubble one year later is the site of the “Seneca Towers“

The developer Levin Menzies, living in California, seems to have lost interest in this project.

This is also what happens when you let developers run your city.

413 NE 70th St.

The big condo cake pan plops out another one, this time on top of a bank.
How fitting.

Although, the bank might feel like it’s a monkey on their back these days.

Conversely, the condo peeps will know every time they come home if their bank has gone out of business or not.

One thing though, they do have a nice helipad for helicopters that weigh under 10 lbs.