Developer: Wallace Properties

Architect: Kevin Cleary at Baylis Architects

Uh oh, oooh noooo!  Are those cantaloupe accents on the windows?  Hey!  Maybe the sills are scratch and sniff, and the building will waft sweet melon on the breeze.  Otherwise, this is truly unsupportable . . . and we would have preferred strawberry.

In keeping with the neighborhood doesn’t mean matching the Public Storage on the next block. 

Sigh.  Here we go again.

May we suggest a “housing recovery” that doesn’t assault the senses.

Architect: Cross 2

Developer: BRE Properties

Do you see a difference?

Neither do we.

The new lay of the land…

Love,

CSC

We at CSC were a bit down in the mouth after wandering though these old digs.  Big, old houses with lives and details to spare…if only the walls could talk.

The prognosis is terminal. They’re coming down and the predictable multi units are going up. We cross our fingers for something good, or dare we hope even great, but we wouldn’t bet on that pony.

Hooray for the art, and so much love for the neighborhood. People wandering through kept commenting on how much they loved the houses, and writing longing letters of unrequited residential adoration in the guest books.

A secret shout out to the little red house in the back. We love you.

Will anyone ever love the new condos/apartments/giant vinyl crates this much?

Oh Veduta…

Look again… Those aren’t new balconies.

Could it be siding repair? OMG! New siding, already?  We gasp.

Another vinyl siding replacement job in Seattle, the rainy city.  Vinyl siders, put on your rain boots, draw up a business plan, and come join the vinyl rush.  The new backbone of our economy is repairing the super crap that was thrown up during our last bubble.  Is this the new wave of the economy, or just sucking us out to sea?  Whatever!

OMG!!  Call Punxsutawney Phil.  It’s like Groundhog Day, déja vu all over again, an ill received condo project in the heart of the neighborhood.  If it sees its shadow will it go back in its hole?

Diiiiiig, Slooooooow.

Meow.

Developer: Jeff Sparks

Architect: Yeah, right.

Nick from Indianapolis writes . . .

I just stumbled onto your site today, I love how you rip into the poorly designed and shitty developments Seattle will have to look at for decades to come. Sorry for that. I thought you might be comforted to know that you are not alone in your suffering. Here in Indianapolis, we’ve had our fair share of shit developments as of late. Below is a link to the hands-down winner for Cheap Shit Condos: Indy Edition. The design wasn’t great to begin with, very bland and cookie-cutter. When the economy tanked the developer cut so many corners–literally and figuratively–that it has been declared uninhabitable by the fire marshal. That was after the 30+ zoning, building and design violations noted by city inspectors. Look and learn:

http://www.urbanindy.com/2010/09/28/from-sketches-to-shovel-how-the-de-rimini-fails/

DiRimini front view:

Recession cutback #1:  No more windows! NO MORE WINDOWS!!  Recession cutback #2: Stack cardboard boxes, call it a condo. Recession cutback #3: Paint tiny black mourning shutters next to the windows to commemorate the worst condo project this side of the Mississippi River.

DiRimini side view.

Dumpster diving takes on a new meaning with the right-side high dive platform.  Parcours aficionados, take note.

…and the back of the building.

Prison exercise yard, complete with Juliette balconies and somber black doors.

We were hopeful about a happy re-purposing of this hideous eave-less, micro-shutter pile of boxes . . . but we must confess that a tear down seems the best option.  We love ourselves a good roller rink, indoor mini golf or big doggy run, but this ugliness cannot be overcome.  We vote to tear down, or plant some super aggressive vine to cover it.  Here in Seattle, the blackberries could swallow it in short order.

In the meantime we’d rename this condo DiChernobyl Heights.

Developer: Roger Nix/ on the lam

Architect: unavailable/embarrassed

AMBER ALERT!!!

Condominium developer Roger Nix has gone missing.

Last known whereabouts: building new condominium complexes so cheap that units are falling apart only a few years after construction.

Last seen: dissolving his LLC and running away with the profits, leaving residents stranded with huge repair costs and no legal recourse.

Purported to be: in Mexico or the Caribbean with suitcases full of money.

So you might be asking, “Where was the oversight on this project?”

Well, it turns out the city inspected the building before it was completed, and clearly before they started growing Kombucha on the walls. We’d like to point out to all aspiring builders, waterproof everything is essential in the Northwest. For God’s sake, look out the window. It’s raining.

Clearly, the worst part of this whole situation is that good people got stuck with an irreparable money pit that ended up being literally poisonous to live in.

The rest of us get to look at this sponge-paint, rice-cake, faux-plywood, rectangle-of-a-low-slung, small-windowed shoe box. That brown wood above the doors isn’t repair in progress, but rather “accent” coloring. We at CSC vote that in five years they pop this thing onto a double wide, and move it to Aurora Avenue to join the other run down hotels.

Photo: Seattle Times

Developer: RC Hedreen

Architect: Mulvanny G2

Cheapshitcondos had a tour of the soon to be auctioned Olive 8 condominiums.

We were lured by the offer of “an enviable lifestyle on your own terms.” Enticingly, our own terms were to be auctioned with a starting bid of $160,000. Now that’s a cheap seat! Perusing the fine print, we were perplexed to learn that each property has “an unpublished reserve price” which is not the starting bid. This left us wondering, just what is the starting bid? Oh right, it’s the bait.

We had a good look around the 27th floor, admiring the views which can be spectacular, unless you happen to be kissing distance from Ma Bell’s telephone tower to the left.

We viewed units with square footage from about 650 to 1200 sq. ft., but were surreptitiously warned in the fine print that “square footages. . . may vary and are approximations only, based on the most accurate information available.” We were at once reassured that we know five hundred square feet when we see it, but certainly alarmed that the people trusted with building a high-rise could not successfully wrangle a tape measure. The most startling clause in the fine print stated that “models throughout this brochure do not reflect racial preference.” There weren’t any people in the brochure. WTF?

The largest corner units were spacious with grand views and imposing marble kitchen islands. However, the smallest units might require a regular regiment of Prozac to deal with feelings of confinement, windowless bedrooms and a mind-boggling waste of space particularly in the overlarge half bathrooms by the front door. Really, what are you going to do in there?

This condo is miles better than the worst offenders, holding LEED Silver Certification and a prime downtown location, yet it’s going on auction. Economy? Yes. Uninspired mediocre designs trading on views? Yes. It could have been so much better.

The building does have a nice nighttime mood ring on the roof line. Red, stressed. Blue, Prozac. Green . . .

Architect: Rutledge-Alcock

Developer: Corrugated-Multi-Colored-Metal-Tool Sheds/Condos Inc.

JP Peterson from Atlanta, Georgia writes:

Special features:

1. None of the windows open.

2. The upper right balcony is dead space, the “loft” interior makes it unreachable

I included a street shot too, just so you could get a feel for how well this blends in with the architecture of its 90-110 year old neighbors.

What, the windows don’t open?!? Don’t the good people of Georgia like fresh air?

This building is new and it already looks morose and severe, like a grouchy, grabby boss in a mustard colored suit who tells you to come in on Saturday and takes up too much space.

We at CSC are still laughing…sympathy to the neighbors…we understand.

I came across your website, and I agree with your observations. I am designing a condo project here in Massachusetts, and was wondering if you wouldn’t mind critiquing it for me.
I am getting these condos approved in Lynn, Mass. It is a lower income city 11 miles north of Boston, Mass.
I am building 4 buildings, each with 36 or 38 units. I would love your thoughts, keep in mind that these condos are going to sell for $119,900 to $189,900 in a very high priced region of the country.

Thank you very much, Dave Potter

With regard to appearances we feel the building is getting too multiple-colored and has smallish windows.
Large windows make people happier.
We appreciate the relatively simple shape of the building which avoids the cobbled together bargain shed and shipping container look. It’s just our opinion, but for a nice sense of symmetry we feel the domed windows on the roof line could be repeated on the other side too, if possible. We also hope the units will have tall ceilings.
Tall ceilings make people happier.

Lastly, we would like to see these building able to change shape into a free-standing robot, à la Transformers, which would make everyone happier.

Best,

Cheapshitcondos