Architect: Cross 2

Developer: BRE Properties

Do you see a difference?

Neither do we.

The new lay of the land…

Love,

CSC

Developer: RC Hedreen

Architect: Mulvanny G2

Cheapshitcondos had a tour of the soon to be auctioned Olive 8 condominiums.

We were lured by the offer of “an enviable lifestyle on your own terms.” Enticingly, our own terms were to be auctioned with a starting bid of $160,000. Now that’s a cheap seat! Perusing the fine print, we were perplexed to learn that each property has “an unpublished reserve price” which is not the starting bid. This left us wondering, just what is the starting bid? Oh right, it’s the bait.

We had a good look around the 27th floor, admiring the views which can be spectacular, unless you happen to be kissing distance from Ma Bell’s telephone tower to the left.

We viewed units with square footage from about 650 to 1200 sq. ft., but were surreptitiously warned in the fine print that “square footages. . . may vary and are approximations only, based on the most accurate information available.” We were at once reassured that we know five hundred square feet when we see it, but certainly alarmed that the people trusted with building a high-rise could not successfully wrangle a tape measure. The most startling clause in the fine print stated that “models throughout this brochure do not reflect racial preference.” There weren’t any people in the brochure. WTF?

The largest corner units were spacious with grand views and imposing marble kitchen islands. However, the smallest units might require a regular regiment of Prozac to deal with feelings of confinement, windowless bedrooms and a mind-boggling waste of space particularly in the overlarge half bathrooms by the front door. Really, what are you going to do in there?

This condo is miles better than the worst offenders, holding LEED Silver Certification and a prime downtown location, yet it’s going on auction. Economy? Yes. Uninspired mediocre designs trading on views? Yes. It could have been so much better.

The building does have a nice nighttime mood ring on the roof line. Red, stressed. Blue, Prozac. Green . . .

Developer: Lexas Companies

Architect: Thoryk Architecture

Something-is-changing-at Escala-dot-com…could it be the ownership?

So when the bank owns your condo tower, do you get free checking? Just sayin’.

Do they have a basket of lollipops at the door and somebody waiting to ask us about our weekend?

I’m sure the views looking out are fantastic, but the views looking at, not so much. The glass tower plopped onto the faux Grecian Vegas facade is not the sort of enduring architecture dreams are made of. Design really can be better. Proof.

The menage à trois with the pressing condos is coming to an end.

Is it too much to ask that this building not be torn down?

We realize this is some seriously valuable air above waiting to be lego-ed in with a skinny condo or pop out neighbor expansion. Still, we vote for a slice of light and some historic personality. How about it Seattle? Don’t kill the little building, she holds many fond mammaries and great tails.

Sure, the developers want to fill that slot with a steel rod building. Not to put a kink in those plans, but we want to feel respected.

Come on DPD, stand firm, don’t let us down.

Bone Voyage!

Another resplendent condo project gone belly up. From a parking lot to a mega-hole, and back to a parking lot (soon). Will there be another hole?

Wouldn’t it be great if instead of reverting to a parking lot, we had a below grade zen garden or fabulous sculptures a la Olympic Sculpture Park?

So, the luxuriously snoozy condo project isn’t happening. Okay Seattle, now is the time to be interesting, world class interesting. What do we really want downtown?

Seems we’re not that interested in another pseudo-lux, shiny but common building.

In the interim, since reality TV is all the rage, we suggest the show, What Can You Get Down That Ramp?!!, and it’s sister show, What Can You Get Up That Ramp?!!

Developer: Norcon/Sierra

Architect: gulag

You have now entered the Grey Zone.

Nouveau Cold War style. A block of severe housing for the people.

Don’t fret comrade, although the prices are not for mere proletariats. . .

There are some 345 sq ft. cheap seats at only $150,000.

View the grandeur of the citizenry on their dutiful way to work along the modern marvel of Highway 99. Check out the Ordinary Diet Cafeteria at the comrade quikee mart on the corner and throw back some vodka on your way to the Seattle Cleansing Department.

Na zdorovje!

P.S. Spot the only thing that’s not grey in this picture.

The nice thing about these condos is the fire department is conveniently located right across the street, so go ahead and smoke in bed.

The downside is you have to pay to park in your front yard…

Ok, so…what are the chutes for?

• built-in pigeon coops
• escape hatch
• battleship canons for the neighborhood
• convenient garbage disposal
• beauty…?

We don’t know. You decide…

1521 Second Ave.

Cheapshitcondos received this press release from a law office. We don’t know anything about this case, nor do we feel any particular compassion for the “confident few,” but we are posting this PR anyways.

Leave comments.

At least the “confident few” won’t be afraid to get some urban livin’ with smoky teryaki on the corner, casual dinner at The Turf, frequent the mega stripclub behind the building or score some drugs just steps away from their front door.

PRESS RELEASE

The developer claims it built an elite, high-end condominium project. Eight buyers have now sued that developer, saying that their units have entrances that are less than high end, and lower than promised.

The buyers filed suit today in King County Superior Court, seeking return of their deposits and damages against Opus, a major northwest developer. Opus is finishing the high-rise condominium project at 1521 Second Avenue in downtown Seattle .

The condominiums are “designed exclusively for the confident few,” according to Opus’ literature. The website refers to “unparalleled interiors,” and “generously proportioned” spaces. Prices start at $1 million, and prices for upper units exceed $4 million. The project has 148 units on 38 floors.

The buyers allege that Opus and its “development partner,” William Justen, specifically promised 8-foot doors and high ceilings. The entries to the units in question now have 7-foot doors and ceilings as low as seven feet. The complaint alleges that the changes breached the contracts for purchase of the units. It seeks return of deposited funds and unspecified damages.

…blah, blah, blah.

For the price tag on these condos, we at Cheapshitcondos not only want another damn foot on our doors, but insist on a firepole, a helipad, and a jet pack. Thank you, and please don’t make us suin’ mad.

Photo by: Evil Robot 6

Carbon 56, part of the “Kafka Village” series. Live your own bureaucratic totalitarian dreams right in Downtown.

Trio, the new communist, modern flat-front. Starting in the high 300′s.

That’s a lot of roubles, Popov.