Tag Archives: stupid condos

Helix Apartments

4751 12th Avenue Northeast

Developer: Harbor Properties

Architect: Baylis Architects

Now that we are waiting for the cheapshit condo market to rebound, we have scrap ex-condo parts to make apartments.

Sadly, they look just like condos. Here we have a mixed up box of reject crayon colors.

Same flashy name, same flashy exteriors. There’s even a suicide jumper catcher at the bottom corner. It probably brought their insurance down. A penny saved is a penny earned in these times.

Was this made by the ADHD architect firm?

Yet again the trees are going to have to do all the work in beautifying/obfuscating the building.

Thornton Place condominiums

337 Northeast 103rd Street
Developer: Stellar Holdings and Lorig Associates
Architect: Mithun

Is there a word for failing before you begin?

If that’s your investment strategy, buy here first.

‘Cause you will be the first.

We can’t image why there haven’t been flocks of takers with all that extra-terrestrial IUD yard art.

Maybe it’s time to rebrand the project.

May we suggest:

Tangerine Towers, Mall View Condos or Muted Heights.

McGuire Apartments

210 Wall Street

Developer: Carpenter’s Tower LLC

Architect: in hiding

Local papers report:

Developer Surprised That Rock Bottom, Cheap-Assed Construction Doesn’t Last.

That’s right, so badly constructed, it’ll be torn down this year.

This tower of low standards and quick money was constructed in 2001 and is soon to be demolished. We at CSC hate to see people tossed out in the streets because their building is coming apart and hope everyone gets loads of compensation, free-packing services, kegs for moving day and a year’s worth of massage.

Cheapshitcondos is taking bets on the next building(s) to follow.

(A note to the builders: Waterproof grout is essential in Seattle.)

Columbia City Condos

5220 42nd Ave. S.
Developer: 20th Century Development
Architect: n/a
Colombia City Condos

This is a very depressing building.

Really, this looks like class C office space heavily sprayed with textured pancake make-up relabeled as a condominium. We feel like we’re going to hear a dental drill.

We would like to point out that at some time the vinyl sales flags and the plastic Christmas bunting will be removed. Take a good look at what will be left. (Can you hear the drill?)

But the upside is there’s a tour bus so you don’t have to stay home.

coming!

Advertising menace.
It will find you.

Coming . . .

going!

and going . . .

Tavona condominiums

3333 Wallingford Ave.

Developer: Pelar LLC

Architect: Curtis Beattie and Associates

Tavona condos

We looked up what a Tavona is, or does, and found nothing. And no, it’s not Italian for The cutting edge of urban living.

We guess it just sounded like the right quasi European luxury condo name to give this project after running it through Condonamer 2.0.

We feel that to make this condo really stand out everyone who lives here should change their name to Tavona. It has a nice beige gender neutral sound that doesn’t offend anybody. Pets too.

Those garden nursery columns are really holding up the whole thing nicely.

It’s a good thing they are protected by a modern security feature of concrete barriers in front to prevent a disaster by keeping errant traffic from taking them out.

Also, if your friends live on the second floor above the columns you can knock on their floor if you don’t feel like using the buzzer.

John…, I mean Tavona, are you home?