Tag Archives: cheap shit condos

McGuire Apartments

210 Wall Street

Developer: Carpenter’s Tower LLC

Architect: in hiding

Local papers report:

Developer Surprised That Rock Bottom, Cheap-Assed Construction Doesn’t Last.

That’s right, so badly constructed, it’ll be torn down this year.

This tower of low standards and quick money was constructed in 2001 and is soon to be demolished. We at CSC hate to see people tossed out in the streets because their building is coming apart and hope everyone gets loads of compensation, free-packing services, kegs for moving day and a year’s worth of massage.

Cheapshitcondos is taking bets on the next building(s) to follow.

(A note to the builders: Waterproof grout is essential in Seattle.)

Summit Condos

900 Summit Ave E

OMG! We totally saw this cardboard and red rubberband building kit on Etsy. This must be the beginner’s building set.

We suggest one or two more giant rubberbands to keep the boxes from falling into the neighbor’s yard.

We do hope it is easy to move, maybe folds up for convenient shipping, because it was obviously delivered to the wrong address.

Buy this at auction and take it away. It’ll be your New Year’s gift to the neighborhood.

Columbia City Condos

5220 42nd Ave. S.
Developer: 20th Century Development
Architect: n/a
Colombia City Condos

This is a very depressing building.

Really, this looks like class C office space heavily sprayed with textured pancake make-up relabeled as a condominium. We feel like we’re going to hear a dental drill.

We would like to point out that at some time the vinyl sales flags and the plastic Christmas bunting will be removed. Take a good look at what will be left. (Can you hear the drill?)

But the upside is there’s a tour bus so you don’t have to stay home.

coming!

Advertising menace.
It will find you.

Coming . . .

going!

and going . . .

Joule apartments and condominiums

523 Broadway Ave. E.

Developer: Essex Broadway LLC
Architect: Matt Driscoll*

Joule

facing_broadway

facing_harvard


Broadway’s going beige and soon to be renamed Belltown Hill.

Here’s one side of the new condos across the street from Brix, and what we have to look forward to in the future.



Yes, something needed to be built on the lot, but why for the LOVE OF GOD is it so ugly?

Must buildings get uglier as they get taller? The bottom is a basic brick and then comes the super chintzy siding in a hodgepodge of colors.

What would happen if it were even taller, each section uglier?

Year round plastic sheeting on the top floors?

Bud billboards, nail salons, LED reader boards?

I know! I know! Condo ads!

Much like the sad mobile ads on Broadway for some Columbia City condo gem. The only way to make a mobile business good, is to sell something delicious that fits through the window (not condos).

*”If you’re worried that Capitol Hill will become the next Belltown, fear not, Driscoll Architects are on the job.”

Yeah, right.

Residences at 500 Elliott

500 Elliott Avenue

Developer: Equity Residential® Condominiums

Architect: witness protection program

500 Elliott

Welcome to the Seattle accordion condos, the Residences at 500 Elliott.

This unmusical building lets out an ugly tone when you squeeze it, something like an emission and a cat screeching at the same time.

This might also be the largest “oops paint” building we’ve come across. May we suggest avoiding turquoise and salmon.

The name “Residences at 500 Elliot” strikes us as a bit misguided. We prefer “The Folds at 500 Elliot.”

Buyers: Retro gamers and your kids might like it. The street and building closely resemble the game Frogger.

Don’t get squished!

224px-Frogger_game_arcade